Christian

Three years ago I was contemplating taking my own life. But if I’m being honest, it was more than merely thinking about suicide–I found myself actually planning my own death. 

 

Depression and anxiety are words I had always associated with weakness and truly never understood. However, as an ultramarathon runner, I didn’t have any tolerance for weakness. I always fought through pain and discomfort and pushed myself through even the deepest of lows. But since then, I’ve learned there are some things you can’t simply run through, or away from. 

 

Before my slippery journey started, I remember talking to a co-worker of mine who said if you ever have depression or thoughts around suicide to not tell anyone. He said if you tell your doctor there are certain keywords that they have to report. When I started to realize where I was at I was afraid to tell anyone. I knew I wasn’t abnormal or needed to be committed. I had an issue that I needed to resolve and didn’t know where to turn. 

When I ultimately acknowledged my depression and confessed my planned suicide to my wife, she like others I would eventually tell, was completely shocked.